By Thought Catalog.

I feel personally identified with the following:

What I Say: “I sent you that email yesterday. Yeah… It must not have gone through.”
What I Think: “Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god.”

What I Say: “Yeah, I don’t know if I’m gonna go to the club tonight. Kinda not feeling well.”
What I Think: “I live in a world where I have to justify not wanting to spend 12 dollars a cocktail so I can scream across a dark, sweaty room to ask my friends how their weeks were. I live in a world where that is what I should want to be doing. Maybe I should just be honest and tell them if I wanted to get airborne herpes, I would lick a subway pole like a respectable human being.”

And thought this was hilarious:

What I Say: “I’m just not really looking for a relationship right now.”
What I Think: “The Friday-night potential of free food on a first date is now outweighed by the certain combination of ice cream, wine, and Tumblr.”